Naruto Host Club
by DragonEmpress1010
Summary: Naruto and Haruhi are honor students, and are forced to join the Ouran Host Club after breaking an expensive vase. One, incy, little problem. Their female, not male. Guess how long they'll be able to keep it a secret?
1. Chapter 1

Naruto Host club

Chapter 1: They don't know?

Naruto's P.O.V

Looking for a quiet place to study in one of the biggest schools in the world, is harder than you think. We wondered around every library, all of them seemed to be hosting a tea party or didn't allow 'commoners' interrupting there 'private time'. I snorted and Haruhi Fujioka, my cousin, stared at me, before letting out a snort herself. Her short hair and flat chest seemed to get her mixed up in being a guy.

"'Ewe! Commoners!'" I mocked one of the girls, scrunching my face up in disgust.

"Pfft. Stop. Really." Haruhi said, trying to hold in her laugh. I stopped in front of a door labeled 'Music Room 3'.

"You hear that?" Naruto asked, placing her ear on the door. Haruhi did the same.

"I don't hear anything." Haruhi replied quizzingly.

"Exactly." Naruto retorted, placing her hand on the knob and turning.

"Welcome to the Ouran host club!" Said a group of male students dressed in the blue suit required to wear.

"H-Host club?" Haruhi stuttered.

"What did I just get us into?" Naruto asked herself.

"It's just a couple of guys." A pair of orangish haired twins complained.

"You know these two? Are they not our scholar ship students from the commons?" A blonde tall and slender boy asked.

"Yeah. They're in our class but normally keep to themselves." The twins added.

"I'll expect that you're gay. So, what brings you two here?" The blond asked, trying to make conversation. Out of everything I could have said…

"Not to kiss your ass." I blurted.

"What?!" The blond shouted, surprised at my remark.

"Naruto! Seriously?!" Haruhi exclaimed, slamming her book on the ground. "Out of everything you could have said!"

"That was an interesting remark, Naruto Nakazami." Said a tall raven haired boy with a clipboard.

"Keep. Your. Damn. Mouth. Shut." I snapped.

"Naruto. I know you don't like people knowing about- that, but that's no reason to break the school rules." Haruhi scolded.

"You know all about it, don't you? All about mine and Haruhi's past? The look in your eyes says so." Naruto spat angrily.

"Hi Naru-chan!" A small blond boy cheered with a bunny in his hand. He looked like a kindergartener in a high school uniform.

"What did you call me? -Chan? No kid. No. Chan." I stated. His smile only grew.

"Ok. Naruto-sama." He said. I stared at him. Leaned over and picked him up.

"Please. Under no circumstances, are you aloud to say or add '-sama' to my name. Understand?" I asked, looking him straight in the eye.

"Ok." He jumped from my grasp. "Why?"

"I can't tell you. I'm pretty sure that even your know-it-all doesn't even know." I said, waving it off.

"Kyoya not knowing something?" He questioned. "That's surprising."

"Hunni. I think you should stop." Said another tall raven haired boy.

"'Hunni'? As in Haninozuka Minsukuni?" I asked slowly turning around, holding in a laugh.

"You know my actual name?" Hunni asked, looking at me with starry eyes.

"Yes. You were quite famous in a club I thought about joining." I answered truthfully. Hunni stared intently at my face. "Is something – Takami Suoh! Get away from my cousin!" I shouted as Haruhi bumped in to the stand. A green-blue vase fell and me, and my quick thinking, dropped my book, running and diving for the floor, catching the vase before it hit the ground. Haruhi quickly helped me place the vase back on the stand, only to have it fall and break on the other side.

"We were going to auction that off during the school auction. Starting at eight million yen." Kyoya explained.

"We'll pay for it!" We said quickly.

"How are you supposed to pay for that if you can't even afford uniforms?" Pointed out the twins.

"Gee, thanks for pointing out the obvious, Sherlocks!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Then it's decided! You two are now the host clubs errand boys!" Takami declared, pointing directly at us.

"E-errand boys?" We muttered. That would cut in with study time, buying food, and doing the chores!

"That'll never work for us!" I yelled, tugging at my hair.

"Then you-"

"Shut it Kaoru!" I shouted, surprising everyone I could already tell them apart. It took them years.

"You can tell them apart already?" Kyoya asked, interested in the topic.

"I can tell a lot of twins apart just by knowing one name." I hissed.

"Uh-huh…" He didn't reply, he just scribbled in a sheet of paper on his clipboard.

Soon the room was full of women. Takami was the most popular. He would flirt with all of them and call them 'princess' or 'queen'. He would flirt and ask (disgusting) questions. "Oh Takami!" Cried the girls with hearts in their eyes.

"Does he have a superiority-complex?" I asked. Haruhi shrugged.

"Brotherly love! Kya!" Cried the girls at the twins table. We looked over and the boys were flirting alright. With EACH other. I swore I almost threw up. They said things so close to where they looked ready to kiss.

"Isn't that illegal?" I asked, pointing to the twins. Haruhi shrugged and scrunched her face up in disgust.

"Hunni! You're so cute!" We snapped our heads in the direction of Mori and Hunni's table. Hunni was happily eating cake, smiling, and having flowers float around him. Mori was just sitting there, watching Hunni eat cake, and with a stoic face, but a glint of hunger in his eyes. Kyoya was the only one not at a table with women. He was standing, scribbling and taking notes on his clipboard.

"Haruhi! Naruto! Go get us some tea and coffee!" Takami commanded. Haruhi grumbled something along the lines of 'Snobby rich kids'. We did so, and I was setting it at the twins table, the girls spoke up, a little fidgety.

"Naruto!" The girls exclaimed, startling me.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning to look at them.

"Um… We forgot. Itachi Uchiha wanted to see you about…heh… 'squid head'." One of them giggled.

"Also, I wanted to thank you for saving me." Anther blushed crimson.

"You mean the one who betted his katana?" I asked, thinking back to a few days ago,

 _Flash Back_

 _The boys at the host club had made us uniforms, male uniforms, for us, since they had 'pity' for us. I brought my katana to school today, a feeling in my gut told me there would be trouble. Haruhi, being the optimistic person she was, hoped my instinct was wrong, which it normally isn't. If I'm correct, which I am most of the time, my gut has never been wrong. Haruhi sighed as we made it to school without an incidents. She was still tense though, it meant the incident would probably happen at school. Haruhi was worried it could get them suspended._

" _Ah! Stop!" Shouted a girl, glaring at a boy and holding her skirt down. "It's rude to flip a girl's skirt up!"_

" _I still got a nice view." The guy retorted. The boy had two other men around him, and they were on each side of the wall, surrounding the girl._

" _Pervert." I said, a little too loud. Haruhi slapped her forehead._

" _What you call the boss?" Asked one of them, glaring at me._

" _P-E-V-E-R-T. PERVERT." I spelt it out._

" _You wanna go, puny?" He asked viciously, walking over and trying to stare me down._

" _You're disgusting." I stated, looking at while scrunching my face up in disgust. He jumped back in surprise._

" _I can't believe your dirty mind." He growled angrily._

" _You're the one who said it." I said, my eyes half lidded in boredom._

" _You little- alright. We'll fight. If you win, you can have my katana. If I win, I get that necklace." He said, pointing at my most treasured item, something my dad gave me._

" _Fine." I smirked._

" _I'll wipe that smug look off of your face." Squid head threatened, unsheathing his katana._

" _Whatever, squid head." I quickly charged forward, slid under him, and brought my katana up with full strength. I hit him where the sun didn't shine and since it was full strength, he went K.O. I picked up the katana he dropped and sheathed my own. I bent down._

" _I win." I whispered, getting up._

" _Hey! Give that back! Boss was going to give that to the Kyubbi knight and hopefully make her his girlfriend!" One of the goons yelled._

" _That's disgusting." I said. Did I mention I'm the Kyubbi Knight?_

" _What do you mean?" They yelled. I turned my head with a dark look on my face._

" _I happen to know the Kyubbi Knight, and, oh I assure you, she hates assholes." I said, my face showing no emotion. Turning my head forward I noticing Itachi Uchiha of the kendo team._

" _Interesting." He said, then turned and walked away. I stared at his disappearing back._ _ **We're SO going**_ _ **to have a rematch.**_ _I thought, smirking._

 _Flash Back_

"Oh! He wants to talk about that!" I walked out and to the kendo club.

(Kendo Club)

I knocked on the kendo club door and slowly slid it open.

"It's you!" Squid head lost his composure, and hid behind someone.

"Hello. Itachi wanted to see me?" I asked, stepping inside and sliding the door shut behind me.

"Yes. Kakashi and Sabuto would like to meet you." Itachi said, poking his head in. "Follow me."

"So, we heard who you are, Naruto." Kakashi said once we were seated. "You are highly respected and feared here."

"Of course, I'm feared. I did expect them to respect me to. A few probably worship me." I waved it off.

"Naruto, you do know we are offering you a spot on this schools kendo team, right?" Sabuto asked.

"Yes. I'm not an idiot. I hear there's a tournament or something that you're leaving out." I glared.

"Ah. Is that what you're worried about?" Kakashi said.

"I worry over nothing and always get a definite answer. No matter the person." I said, still glaring at them.

"Of course, It's an exam. The fighters fight and even if you lose, you can still make a rank. You would probably get and extremely high rank. That 'squid head' is one of our top five fighters."

"I hit him where the sun didn't shine." I shrugged. "But if he pisses me off, I'm not responsible if he is not able to produce children with women the perv."

"Ha! You're a funny child." Itachi laughed.

"I can still beat your ass, Itachi. Don't push it." I threatened.

"I give up!" He joked, placing his hands in the air.

"Itachi! Someone has challenged you!" Someone yelled, bursting through the door.

"Man, and I was having fun too. Thank you, Kisame." Itachi walked through the door, us following out of curiosity.

"Itachi! I challenge you!" Shouted squid head. "I'll prove myself to the Kyubbi Knight!"

"Stop!" I shouted. "Did your goons not tell you?"

"Tell me what?" He looked at me as sweat rolled down his face.

"Well, I guess you don't know, but, if your goons were too afraid, then I'll tell you."

"Tell me what?!"

"I know the Kyubbi Knight! She despises idiots!"

"W-what…?"

"Itachi-sama, would you care to explain?"

"Yes. Naruto was an orphan, so he grew up with Kushina and Minoto, and their daughter, the new Kyubbi knight. Anyway, I'd suggest not messing with the Kyubbi Knight's best friend and sparring partner." Itachi added.

"That's my line." I said, hitting him upside the head.

"Nope, I want to tease you more, like when you were little."

"You're not gonna have fun if you're not able to reproduce."

"Point taken."

"I will break you apart."

"I like being a whole and not in pieces."

"I will cut you into sushi! Don't push it, Itachi-sama!"

"Itachi-nii."

"Sasuke, meet Naruto." Itachi and I turned around to see a young male, around my age, with onyx eyes and raven hair. I held in my laughter and kept a straight face, but it was difficult with his duck-butt hair style. He shook my hand with the same facial expression I was wearing. He said he was to challenge his brother, and become second or even first, if he was lucky, knight soon. I said he had a shot by the way his body was built and how sturdy he was, and he appeared to have a lot of stamina.

"Sasuke-kun!" Screeched a group of high pitched voices, that seemed to be gushing over the man in front of me. I let go of his hand and pointed at the people behind him, totally confused.

"Those, would be my fangirls." Sasuke sighed, looking annoyed. I chuckled slightly, finding it kinda funny, though out of the corner of my eye, I could see him glaring coldly at me.

"I'm sorry, but it's pretty funny." I said in-between my fits of sudden laughter. Kakashi tapped my shoulder and I looked up at him. He pointed at a man with a pipe in his mouth, that was staring at me. I walked over, and bowed.

"Hokage-shou." I stated simply as if it were natural. He smiled at me and told to rise in a child voice. He hugged me and told me he had missed his adopted grandson. I smiled and hugged back, saying I missed him too.

"It's been a while." He laughed.

"It has, dattebayo!" I said, giving him my signature grin and line. He seemed pleased with my habit of that. Her told me to follow him, to his office. I took a seat and waited.

"You do know of the exam, yes?" he questioned, looking at me. I nodded. He seemed glad he didn't have to explain. He said I should probably get back, after I agreed I'd do the exam. I walked out and to the host club. I would have made it all the way, if I hadn't bumped into Sasuke. I apologized sincerely, saying I should look where I'm going.

"Hey, um, Naruto?" He asked, looking at me in the eye. He looked around, making sure no one was there, which confused me.

"Yeah, Sasuke-sama?" I said, trying to catch his eye.

"You're a girl, right?"

It all kinda just went weird after that.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto Host Club Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I stare at Sasuke with a blank expression. My eyes slowly lowered to my chest, though my strap hadn't come loose. Had he looked me up? Did I drop my ID card? How did he know? While these thoughts whirred around in my head, I failed to notice him waving his hand in my face, he snapped his fingers, taking me out of my dazed state.

"How did you know?" I asked, feeling my face heat up with embarrassment at the fact I couldn't keep it a secret.

"I know all the best kendo players, including the Kyubbi Knight." He answered, though I could tell he wasn't letting everything on. Gritting my teeth, I deiced to press further.

"How much do you know?" I snapped, grinding my teeth together, as I tried, and failed, to keep the anger out of my voice.

"Not a lot." He said, giving in. "I know you're a girl, Kyubbi Knight, and a part of the host club."

Breathing in sharply, I said he was to never speak of this to anyone else, which he agreed to, and, in return, I would give him kendo lessons when I could. We went our separate ways after that. I pushed open the doors to find the room full of women after only five minutes of start. Sighing, I went around serving tea. I was about to pour the last cup, when the door shot open and stood there was the one and only- squid head. He scanned the room, finding me pretty quickly. He marched over and said something inaudible.

"What?" I asked in confusion. Sasuke walked into the room and took over the spotlight, earning a bunch of 'ooh's and 'ahh's.

"What might bring you here, Sasuke Uchiha?" Tamaki asked, seemingly surprised that such a respected man would come to his Host Club room.

"Naruto, the Hokage needs you." He stated, ignoring Tamaki, who was now sulking in the corner. He then gestured to Squid Head. "It's about some recent events with this one."

"He started it." Squid head grumbled.

"You were flipping a girl's skirt." I shot back.

"So?" He questioned, not even trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Not even ero-sensei was this bad." I said, pinching the bridge of his nose with my index finger and thumb. "He at least admitted when he was a prev."

"I am NOT a pervert!" He shouted, grabbing my color roughly and lifting me into the air, so I was staring down at him.

"Dude, put me down." I said calmly, trying not to break his arm in half with all my Kyubbi force.

"Listen here, shrimp-" He was cut off by getting whacked in the head with Sasuke's katana, which Kakashi-sensei was holding. He dropped me, making me land with a thud, and rubbed his head in pain, while glaring at Kakashi.

"Hokage won't wait all day." He explained, helping me up as Sasuke-literally-dragged Squid Head out, who protested, saying he needed to give me a piece of his mind. I dusted myself off, as people began staring at me. Suddenly, Kyoya walked up to us, introducing himself to Kakashi.

"I'm sure Naruto would love to be on the Kendo team, but she'd have to balance that and this club, and I'm afraid most commoners can't handle that much." He explained in the kindest way possible. Note the sarcasm. Tamaki stood in a victory pose, but I made it crumble down.

"I'm an honor student. I know what I know what I'm doing." I said as Tamaki came crumbling down and began to sulk again. I explained I was here for a reason, and that reason is that I am smart and organized. He said it was ok as long as I was only one to five minutes late to the Host Club. I agreed to his terms, before following Kakashi-sensei out the door. We soon arrived at the place I just left, like, ten minutes ago. A boy with messy brown hair and red triangles on his cheeks walked up to us and blocked our path.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, who's that kid?' he asked, pointing at my small form. Kasha explained why I was here and who I was, though he didn't say my last name. what seemed to startle the poor boy, Kiba I think, is that I was old friends with the Hokage. He scurried off, and began gossiping with a group of kendo people. We continued our journey, soon finishing. I slide open the door and closed it behind me, before sitting down and waiting for Hokage-shou to start.

"Naruto, Tokaya say you attacked him." He said, gesturing to Squid Head, Tokaya, who nodded.

"Yes, I did." I answered.

"Why did you attack him?" Hokage-shou questioned, staring at me intently.

"He was flipping a girl's skirt with a katana." I stated bluntly. Hokage fell anime style, before recovering with one huge tick mark. He turned to Tokaya, and took in a deep breath.

"You, what?!" He yelled, absolutely appalled that one of his students would do such a thing. At first, Tokaya denied the accusation, before giving in after receiving a famous Uchiha glare from Sasuke. I smiled as he was screamed at for such an act, but what made me laugh, was his punishment- cleaning the boy's bathrooms and showers. He had a look of absolute disgust, and I swear-if I had my phone, I would have taken a picture. I could hear the shuffling of feet and murmurs flying around outside. So, I stood up quietly, and flung open the door. Kiba and the group he was with came plunging in, lying at my feet like lap dogs.

"Hello." Kiba greeted awkwardly. A boy, who seemed big boned, stood up. I could see red swirls on each cheek, making me believe he's Akimichi.

Um, hi." I replied to Kiba as the others stood up, before bowing in apology.

"We're sorry for ease dropping." Akimichi said, apologizing sincerely. I forgot what he said and asked bluntly-

"Your clan is big-boned, right?"

Some fell over in surprise, some looked up, like him, others sweat dropped, etc. He stared at me while straightening his posture. He then leapt at me and pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you for noticing.!" He exclaimed, anime tears running down his face.

"Um… your welcome." I stated, though it came out in a questioning tone. It took five minutes of crying, comforting, ice packs, and struggles to get him off me. The Akimichi, Choji, sat next to me, and smiled at me. I smiled back. The rest of time flew quickly. I learned the people were, not, in fact actual people on the kendo team, but in fact people training for the exam. Itachi, Kakashi, and obviously, Hokage-shou, were already on the team. This was the first year the kendo club was open for more than one team. We were trying out for the Leaf team. A few minutes in, Ibiki, a man whom I know well, showed, up and it became deathly quiet.

"Ibiki-sama!" I exclaimed in a cheery tone, surprising everyone I was being so nice to a 'stranger'.

"Naruto-san? You've grown!" he said, laughing heartily at me.

"Don't make fun of my height! Itachi already does that." I mumbled the last part. I told him to sit down, though he declined, saying he was meeting with the Mist team. We shared our good-byes. After he left, everyone but Itachi, Sasuke, Kakashi and Hokage-shou stared at me in total amazement.

I returned to the host club on time and began serving drinks, before being called over to Tamaki.

"you need 100 people to request you, so, let's get you into the hosting business."

You have no idea how much I wanted to slap his sparklingly face.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto Host Club

Chapter 3

 **Shout out to my first reviewer, Yuki Van Hellseit. Loved your profile pic. As you can see, I have updated. I will probably will be a bit late for the next one with all of my school work. Thank though. Hehe~**

Naruto stared at the sparkles that surrounded Tamaki's face-and felt like barfing. She was a non-sociable creature that enjoyed being alone and keeping people in the dark. She stated that this was unacceptable and just because he was rich didn't mean he controls her life. He said she could always _pay_ for the vase. she sighed and caved in. She scowled and took the clothes from the smirking Hitachiin twins, who then followed her.

"What do you think you're doing?' She snapped as she entered the changing room, them right behind her.

"We're here to help you-"

"Get dressed!" Hikaru chimed in, cutting off Karou. She felt a horrible feeling settle in her stomach like sand in water, though it felt like an anchor was weighing her down. The twins were way too excited about this. Haruhi and Naruto went behind the curtain. They were about to undress when those dumb as- dumb butts stepped in.

"Get out!" Naruto screamed and kicked Hikaru out while Haruhi shouted the same thing and kicked Karou out. As they skidded to a halt, realization dawned on them. Naruto and Haruhi were-

They stepped out, Tamaki staring in amazement. Naruto was sitting at a table with Hunni and Mori, when suddenly, Hunni looked at Naruto's face in concentration. He picked up napkin and began to vigorously scrub her face. Naruto was startled and wondered if she had something on her face, but then she remembered one simple thing about her face…

"Hunni-sempai?" Naruto asked, refusing to laugh at his adorable attempt to wipe them off.

"Yes, Naru-chan?" Haney asked, barely noticing her.

"I was born with the whiskers." I chuckled as Hunni fell back in shock.

"What whiskers? I only see lines on…" Honey trailed, before finally taking a notice.

"Hunni-sempai?" I asked in concern at his unusual silent.

"Naru-chan! Are you a kitty-cat?" He asked, flowers surrounding him. I didn't want to disappoint him or the customers so I did something I shouldn't have…

"How did you know?' I asked in obvious fake surprise, but he seemed to fall for it cause his face lit up like a light bulb. Haruhi, who had walked over to see what the commotion was about, and I giggled. That's when he thought, _Naruto and Haruhi are…_

Tamaki had called them over to meet his most often customer, a princess. They greeted her properly, smiling and bowing. Tamaki pulled Naruto into a hug saying a bunch of gibberish. The girl tried to regain his attention, but failed miserably.

"Mori-sempai! Help me!" She shouted, a begging tone. In seconds, Mori had Naruto in the air, but with a surprised look. They stood there for a good five minutes before Mori put down Naruto and looked at Haruhi, realizing that Naruto and Haruhi are… 

"You didn't need to be so mean, Mori." Tamaki pouted, before going back to the girls at his table.

They were leaving from their practice day, sighing, when suddenly Haruhi shot to the window and looked at something in horror. This caught Naruto's attention and she walked over to join Haruhi. She started in shock.

"Is that our Bags?!" She shouted in shock. She and Haruhi began to run when they passed the girl whom Tamaki had showed them before.

"You must think you're so special cause Tamaki is paying attention to you." She said with a bitter sweet tone, honey dripping from her voice. "But he only does it out of pity. Reme-"

"Yeah, yeah that you're better than us and all that BS. We gotta go." Naruto said, grabbing Haruhi's hand and dragging her there. They rolled up their pants and sleeves, and got to looking. Little to their knowledge, they had a one-person audience.

"What are you doing?! Club's started already!"

That is the moment Naruto began shipping her cousin, Haruhi, with their boss, Tamaki.


End file.
